Material Excess
At the start of 2024, 3 months into dungeon ownership, I ran into a problem: I had too much stuff. So much, in fact, that I had, as my dear friend R phrased it, “bought a house for sex hobby and run out of house.”
My wardrobe in particular was overflowing into my bedroom. Years of collecting vintage lingerie, specialty leather pieces, and endless gifts from a period of frequent sessions with a rubber fetishist were evident in the heaps of clothing spilling from my bed and puddling on the floor.
I decided to run an experiment to end overconsumption in my wardrobe. I adapted the 75 Hard Style Challenge, from Mandy Lee @oldloserinbrooklyn, to specifically fit the needs of my kinkwear collection.
Rules and Regulations:
Wear a different outfit every day of sessioning, filming, or playing
Do not purchase anything new. I am however allowed to replace items if they are lost, stolen, or destroyed.
Do not instruct submissives to buy outfits for me—this counts as buying new things for myself.
I must document my outfits and collect data on what I actually wear.
My Findings
The part of the challenge that insisted on novelty and variety woke up the part of me that enjoys what I wear as a creative medium. Clothing is to be enjoyed, is expressive, and I really get to lean into what I consider my erotic aesthetic. A simple bra + panty set feel incomplete to me when I could add a corset, stockings, and a pair of gloves. And having my own dungeon, without the looming deadline of a rental hour, gave me the space to take my time with pieces that I had previously considered “too much work”; I confirmed I am a full rubber fetishist through and through. Getting dressed is part of the job, but I loved making it a ritual that I LOVE; this preparation is a meditation, a donning of vestments that transitions me into session space.
My wardrobe must be modified to fit my needs, and not the other way around. A pair of opera gloves too finnicky to put on? Cut the fingers off. A pair of leather pants are too long for my short legs? Cut the hem. A strangely liberating shift—that clothing is meant to be tailored to fit the needs of its inhabitants.
More “things” take up more space, more psychological weight, more time to care for, clean, repair. Managing a large closet and its maintenance is a lot of work, and I do not want to waste my precious time or my submissives’ time dunking 20 different pieces of latex into soapy water.
Generosity began to take on the form of experiences and nourishment instead of chasing material objects. I am much more inclined these days to have a devotee sponsor a trip to the spa, the tasting menu at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try, or a Classpass subscription. If I am to give or receive a physical gift, I try to source that item secondhand, leatherpieces, dungeon furniture, or books, or from a small-batch artisans whose work I really admire, like Kolby Brianne Leather, River Queer Leatherwork, or Xanh Studio.
I found myself reflecting on how overconsumption sinks its claws into our brains in sinister ways. I already had habits about my daily wardrobe—I buy high quality as much as possible, I buy secondhand almost exclusively, and I aim to repair or cobble as much of my closet as possible before buying—but for some reason I always made excuses about my work wardrobe. Material fetishism as a hobby had turned into straight up commodity fetishism, always wanting to have the newest shiny latex drop, or the right leather skirt would just complete this outfit I have in my fantasies. But after 8 years of personally and professionally collecting, I had more than enough pieces to create over 100 distinct outfits, and I didn’t even wear every single item in my wardrobe. It does not feel value-aligned to use my profession as an avenue to promote overconsumption, and that starts with me taking inventory of my own practices.
These days, I don’t adhere with the same strictness as the style challenge, but my desire to procure new items has drastically diminished. I purchase maybe 1-2 new kink wardrobe items/year, give parts of my collection away frequently, and direct my desire to acquire into sessions helping others to find their own personal style: as a sissy, as a kinkster, as a fetishist.
To love an object is to use it as it was intended to be used, to allow it to be worn down with time and affection, to care for it with reverence. To save an item for a special occasion is to make it suffer in hiding. The special occasion is living. Clothing items, like many of you, want to be loved, abused, used and worn.
If you’re craving something more intentional, less consumption, more experience, I have openings for private sessions. I have in particular been loving sessions in which we can curate a personal collection for you together.
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